My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
