i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
