need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
