so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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