You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You ate ashes out of my bong
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
