i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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