So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
