good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
