Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize