What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
