I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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