Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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