I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
