Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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