her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
