My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just cut my nipple shaving
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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