there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
