Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
