So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
