My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
