You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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