My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it's like iHOP with fire
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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