just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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