Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
