dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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