Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
