my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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