i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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