Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
