so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
