i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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