tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
