Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Its about making memories worth repressing
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
