Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
