I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
