Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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