on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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