He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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