i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
