I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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