she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
