fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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