She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
