Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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