So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
