this beer tastes like vomit already
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
