He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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