The maid of honor just puked.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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