I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
