saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
