I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
