Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
