I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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