"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
