Plan B is the new Plan A
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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