I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
