Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
