And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
