Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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