your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
