if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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