just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
