i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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