Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
