I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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