too bad you live with your parents still
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
