mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
