If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We need to get me chipped asap
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
