Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
