Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
