On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
