eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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