we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
