I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize