Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
