He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
