That's intense
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
