He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
