Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
