is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
