Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize