Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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