Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
