I puked a lego.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
