either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
