dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
