you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
