The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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