You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
