my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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