I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
