I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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