i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
