If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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