Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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