I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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